Planet of the Clones
by Sailorstar165
Summary: Komui creates the "Doppelganger Device," a machine that clones people. Now, up to their ears in clones, the Black Order decides to auction the clones off to the highest bidder. Co-written with Grey Fox Zero.


**Auction 1: The Clones... OF DOOM!**

**Hi, this is Sailorstar.**

_And this is Grey Fox,_

_**And we're here to bring you a fanfic that was conceived in the bat cave.**_

_AKA, Sailorstar's basement._

**Anywho, we apologize for anything that might offend you. ...I blame Grey Fox entirely.**

_Hey, wait a minute! You opened this can of worms with "Lavi Clone!"_

**... Your point? Anyway, let's start this thing!**

* * *

Lavi wandered around the Black Order's hallways, bored as usual. He had decided to skip a meeting Komui had called to explore said mad scientist's lab instead. It was then that he saw a giant machine that said "No Touchy" scribbled in Komui's handwriting.

Of course, that means Lavi had to touch it. With a grin, he started pushing all the buttons on the machine until it turned on. He then ran into the big chamber against anyone's better judgement. There was a button inside, which also read "No Touchy Under Any Circumstances." Once again, that meant, "Push Me," and Lavi happily complied.

A few moments later, Komui entered the lab. "I invented this wonderful Doppelganger Device!" he said proudly, pointing to the giant machine Lavi had just entered. "Funny, it's somehow turned on by itself..."

The inside of the Doppelganger Device flashed. Lavi stepped out nonchalantly. "Man, that was nuts!" he said, grinning his usual Bishie grin **((BISHIENESS!!))**

"Yeah!" agreed the Lavi that walked out of the machine next to him. This Lavi, though, had the eye patch over the wrong eye. "That was schaweet!"

Kanda's eyes bugged out. "Holy... I'm so out of here." He turned to go.

"Where ya goin, Kanda?" asked yet another Lavi. This one had bright purple hair. "We haven't even begun to partay!" He grabbed Kanda's arm.

Kanda drew his sword and pointed it threateningly. "I don't care if there's a party or not," he said darkly. "I am leaving." He stressed every syllable.

"Wait Kanda!" Komui cried, forcing Kanda to lower his sword. "The Doppelganger could prove quite useful! Lavi!" he called to the real one in the mess of about thirty Lavi copies with a few differences here and there. "See if they can use your Innocence!"

"Aye, aye, Komui!" Lavi said, handing his hammer to the one with the opposite eye patch. "Activate the Innocence!"

The Lavi copy tried, but nothing happened. "Well, there goes that theory," Komui said. "Now what do we do with them?"

Kanda grinned evilly. "I have a plan. A perfect plan." Everyone knew from his dark expression, though, that his plan was probably evil and involved fangirls.

* * *

Kanda walked out onto a stage set up by the Black Order in the cafeteria. He was wearing a suit and a tie, which made the dozens of fangirls squeal in delight. He sighed and pulled out a card.

Not caring too much, Kanda said, "Welcome fangirls. We have wonderful offers for all of you that I'm sure you will love. There are rules for this little get together and auction.

"Number one, you will NOT tackle me or any of the auctioneers, no matter how hot, cute, sexy, or any combination of the three we are. That means _**YOU**_, fangirl that's sneaking up the side of the stage. Didn't I get a restraining order on you?

"Rule number two, you will not steal the merchandise. They will be sold to the highest bidder, so bid high, and bid often. With that, I will start the auctions that will support the Order's food bills, which have been racked up by Bean Sprout's obsession with eating mass quantities at all times.

"Our first item for sale is," Kanda nodded to Komui back stage, "this fine Lavi Doppelganger. We've nicknamed him Mirror Force, since as you can see, he's a perfect mirror image of Lavi right down to the last out-of-place hair."

The fangirls screamed in delight. "I want him! Fifty thousand dollars!" cried one badly dressed teenager.

"Fifty-six thousand!" called another fangirl.

"ONE-HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!" yelled a guy randomly in the back. All the fangirls turned and stared at the guy. "Uh, sorry, got caught up in the moment..."

"One-fifty thousand," said a quiet girl.

"Going once, twice, SOLD! To the girl in the back!" Kanda said, shoving the clone off the stage to the approaching fangirl.

"Who knew fangirls had so much money," Allen commented to Miranda next to him. "Where do they get it all?"

Lenalee butted in. "Where do you think they get it from? They don't eat for three months at school, work extra jobs, and then go to anime cons and blow it all." She smiled. "They're crazier than Big Brother."

The auction continued with fangirls blowing big bucks for all of the clones. Komui was counting the dollars behind the scenes. He grinned when he whispered to Reever that they could now afford to feed Allen for three days.

"Our last Lavi for sale is this Lavi. We've nicknamed him Purple, since both his eye and hair are purple. Anyone interested?" No fangirls responded to Kanda. They'd all blown their money already. "Anyone at all?"

"Me! Four bucks!" called a small girl with glasses and freckles. She had all the looks of a bookworm who lived in the manga section of the library. "That's all I have."

Kanda sighed and rolled his eyes. "Going once, twice, sold to Miss Mousy over there."

"Rachel," the girl corrected, taking her Lavi Doppelganger, "and I _**WILL**_ come back."

"I don't care," Kanda replied. "That ends our auction. Please tell your friends. We will be selling Allen clones at the next auction. Good day," and with that, Kanda walked off the stage.

* * *

**Well, tell us what you think!**

_Don't have anything to say inparticular._

**That's because he's playing MGS4... Anywho, tell us what you think of this!**


End file.
